"Today I don't feel like doing anything
I just wanna lay in my bed
Don't feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone
'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything
I'm gonna kick my feet up then stare at the fan
Turn the TV on, throw my hand in my pants
Nobody's gon' tell me I can't
I'll be lounging on the couch just chilling in my Snuggie
Click to MTV so they can teach me how to dougie
'Cause in my castle I'm the freaking man
Oh yes, I said it, I said it
I said it 'cause I can
Today I don't feel like doing anything
I just wanna lay in my bed
Don't feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone
'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything
Nothing at all, nothing at all
Tomorrow I'll wake up, do some P90X
Find a really nice girl, have some really nice sex
And she's gonna scream out
This is great
(Oh my god, this is great)
Yeah, I might mess around
And get my college degree
I bet my old man will be so proud of me
But sorry pops, you'll just have to wait
Oh yes, I said it, I said it
I said it 'cause I can
Today I don't feel like doing anything
I just wanna lay in my bed
Don't feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone
'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything
No, I ain't gonna comb my hair
'Cause I ain't going anywhere
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
I'll just strut in my birthday suit
And let everything hang loose
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Oh, today I don't feel like doing anything
I just wanna lay in my bed
Don't feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone
'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything
Nothing at all
Nothing at all
Nothing at all"
Jesus Christ on a motorcycle; I am INSPIRED. I think the first thing im going to do is deliver a baby while skydiving, because after listening to this song I now realize that I have the power inside of me to accomplish whatever it is I set my mind to. No seriously, this man must have locked himself inside of a room and fermented his feelings to be released in a geyser of introspective greatness for all the world to hear. I have done alot of things in my life, listened to alot of great music in many diverse styles, but Ive never come across a song that has essentially planted a happy seed at the core of my soul that is constantly emanating rays of pure ecstasy. Holy shit, I am so happy right now. I am so happy because of this song that I wish I could have sex with the year 1994, because that was a great year. Wow =).......a text smiley is merely the first step in expressing the pure joy achieved by knowing that this song exists and that people all over the world are realizing the lyrical genius that Mr. Mars possesses. With every keystroke I feel as if my fingers are transferring pure unadulterated bliss from my body to this text for your eyes to see and marvel at the fact that a single man has put together words in such a way that now, because of this song, world hunger is probably going to be solved. Lets analyze this lyrical astuteness:
Today I don't feel like doing anything
I just wanna lay in my bed
Don't feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone
'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything
Weeeeeeeee hahahahaha! I am feeling so rebellious right now that these words are making me want to have breakfast at midnight. Holy uppercutting-a-gooses-vagina, this chorus is perfection. This means that if there is a God, this chorus is it. So those of you who are reading this, if you want to go to heaven, print out a piece of paper with these lyrics on them and start worshiping it, that is if the piece of paper doesnt first turn into a dove and fly directly into your heart.
We can see that he doesnt want to do anything on this particular day. Maybe he had a long week. Maybe his car broke down and he canceled all of his plans. Or maybe he is just tired. If you need to reach him, do not call his cell phone, because we can see that if you do decide to call him, that it will ring a few times and you will have to leave a message once his voice mail comes on. Wait; maybe he will press the 'ignore' button and his phone will ring one and a half times before it reaches voice mail?! This open ended lyric shows you that Bruno is leaving it up to the listener to decipher how many times his phone will ring before it achieves voice mail status. Pure FUCKING genius. After you do leave your message, however, you should know that he still will not be doing anything for the remainder of the day.
I'm gonna kick my feet up then stare at the fan
Turn the TV on, throw my hand in my pants
Nobody's gon' tell me I can't
To the keen observer, it can be assumed that the fan is switched 'on' when he decides to start staring at it, for why would anyone want to look at a fan that isnt turning? With this information, we can assume that it is hot in his particular location. Also, we can see that he is kicking up his feet, turning on the tv, and putting his hand down his pants; perhaps he is going to masturbate? As a listener, this is information that we have to decide on our own if it is true, and assuming it is, we now know that he is staring at his fan while jerking-off, something that I personally have yet to accomplish. Lastly, we can see that he is alone at his place of residence because he says that no one can tell him that he cannot do what he wants to do on this day. What a true badass we have on our hands.
I'll be lounging on the couch just chilling in my Snuggie
Click to MTV so they can teach me how to dougie
'Cause in my castle I'm the freaking man
So now we know at this juncture in the song that he has his hand down his pants while wearing a snuggie while sitting on the couch masturbating while looking at the fan. We can also see that he is audibly learning how to 'dougie' because his eyes arent fixed on the television, and that above all, he is the freaking man while doing so.
Oh yes, I said it, I said it
I said it 'cause I can
He said it! And you best believe hes doing it!
Tomorrow I'll wake up, do some P90X
Find a really nice girl, have some really nice sex
And she's gonna scream out
This is great
(Oh my god, this is great)
Fuckin' a. Hes aware that his laziness will have repercussions, and that tomorrow he will have to make up for it by doing some P90x. We can also confirm that he is home alone masturbating because he states that along with working out tomorrow, he is going to have some really nice sex with a girl. His confidence is portrayed at this point because he knows that said female is going to enjoy the experience, for she is going to scream out, and I quote "this is great."
Yeah, I might mess around
And get my college degree
I bet my old man will be so proud of me
But sorry pops, you'll just have to wait
So it turns out Bruno really is a badass. Our prior assumptions can be confirmed at this point in the song because we find out that not only does he not have his college degree, but he is going against the better judgment of his father. Sorry pops, youre just gunna have to wait! hehe 8)
No, I ain't gonna comb my hair
'Cause I ain't going anywhere
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
No no no no no no no no no no no he isnt going anywhere today, so whats the use of combing his hair? No one is gunna see him, right?
I'll just strut in my birthday suit
And let everything hang loose
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
He is naked. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
The worst dream ever, ever.
So it isnt often that I get scared shitless. It really takes something that isnt from this world to faze me. Let me begin. There are alot of characters that go to the gym I work at; tattoos, steroids, mommy issues, low self esteem, inflated self esteem, you name it, Ive seen in there. There is this one character in particular that I cant quite put my finger on, and human emotion works in such a way that what we cant understand, we fear. Logically speaking, I do not fear alot of things because I generally understand how people think, the reasons behind the things they do, and their motives for doing such. This one fellow however, I have no fucking idea whats going thru his mind. He is red. Yup, the color of his skin tone is red, and no he isnt Native American. He has tattoos all over his body and he wears a skullcap and a hoodie with the hood covering his hat at all times. He has a goatee that is formed so perfectly he must be using some sort of cookie cutting device. The same holds true for his eye brows, as they are so precisely waxed that there is no way that this being is from this planet. I wouldnt be surprised if his name was Ron, because I never met a 'Ron' that didnt scare the shit outta me. So logically speaking, the only way he could possibly exist is if he got sucked into a black hole from a parallel universe from a galaxy with a solar system that had a planet shaped like a giant clown cunt, and a sun that emitted "I wanna rock" by Twisted Sister on repeat via radio waves instead of light, and that he somehow exited this black hole from a worm hole that ended in our universe, and some how he found his way to our planet. When this fucking dude comes in the gym, I cannot look him in the eyes, because im afraid that if I show the slightest inclination of a smirk, or on the contrary, the slightest sign of intimidation, that he would jump over the counter and consume my soul.
Heres where things get really fucked up. Last night I consumed about 2,000 calories worth of fast food because im on a strict diet during the week, and ive found that by raising your calorie count during the weekends you burn more during the week when you consume less calories. If you know whats inside fast food you know that its bombarded with a substance called MSG, or Monosodium Glutamate, or as I like to call it, the devil's spice. I call it this because any time I eat something with a high level of this chemical I start feeling really off and my thought process becomes off kilter. Not only did I consume such a high amount of this shitty food, but I also consumed a 12 pack of miller lite, and the combination of the msg, alcohol, and the extremely high sodium content from the food made me dehydrated. Now lets think about the concept of dehydration; all life started in the ocean, and our bodies are made up of 60% water, therefore logically it would bring us closer to death-like state when our bodies are lacking a sufficient amount of H20.
So im passed the fuck out, and I start having crazy dreams. I dont remember the first few, but then it came. And did it come alright. Heres how it went: Im in a room in a house that im not familiar with, and there is a naked chick on the bed, so as anyone would do I went over to her and made sure she was alright, and we started talking, and as things started to get interesting there was an abrupt crashing sound that was the door being broken down; it was that fucking dude from the gym. For whatever reason, the physics of this particular dream were that of a shitty NES game and the next 'scene' was me in the street while this guy was coming over to me and attempting to grab me, and the next thing i knew i was in the backseat of a car that my dad was driving and the fucking dude was chasing us like in "Terminator 2", but this fucking guy was running twice as fast as T-1000. So as hes chasing us theres a general feeling of extreme discomfort coursing through my head as if my conscious was trying to tell my subconscious something really bad is going to happen. So the next thing I know is the guy is now in a pick up truck following us, and at this point in the dream I take out my cell phone and call the cops. This is all happening while the dude starts launching potatoes at us with a potato launcher. After going around the block a few times and gradually feeling shittier and shittier, we finally see the cops along the side of a building we passed making a crime scene for reasons im unsure of. Now heres where things get REALLY fucked up, as soon as the dude sees the cops, he takes out a machine gun and starts killing them all, and it was so realistic that I felt a true evil presence in my dream. If you ever felt a true evil presence, its like having part of your soul sucked into a void, it really is one of the scariest feelings ive ever came across. Its the type of shit that makes you wanna do a shitload of good deeds the next day. So as im in the middle of this killing frenzy, the guy finally shoots my dad and kills him, and the dream ends where he puts the gun in my mouth, but not before looking me square in the eyes.
When I say that I woke up scared out of my fucking mind......I woke up covered in sweat and I then proceeded to chug half a gallon of water, but now every time I go to work and that guy comes in, im going to shit my fucking pants.
Heres where things get really fucked up. Last night I consumed about 2,000 calories worth of fast food because im on a strict diet during the week, and ive found that by raising your calorie count during the weekends you burn more during the week when you consume less calories. If you know whats inside fast food you know that its bombarded with a substance called MSG, or Monosodium Glutamate, or as I like to call it, the devil's spice. I call it this because any time I eat something with a high level of this chemical I start feeling really off and my thought process becomes off kilter. Not only did I consume such a high amount of this shitty food, but I also consumed a 12 pack of miller lite, and the combination of the msg, alcohol, and the extremely high sodium content from the food made me dehydrated. Now lets think about the concept of dehydration; all life started in the ocean, and our bodies are made up of 60% water, therefore logically it would bring us closer to death-like state when our bodies are lacking a sufficient amount of H20.
So im passed the fuck out, and I start having crazy dreams. I dont remember the first few, but then it came. And did it come alright. Heres how it went: Im in a room in a house that im not familiar with, and there is a naked chick on the bed, so as anyone would do I went over to her and made sure she was alright, and we started talking, and as things started to get interesting there was an abrupt crashing sound that was the door being broken down; it was that fucking dude from the gym. For whatever reason, the physics of this particular dream were that of a shitty NES game and the next 'scene' was me in the street while this guy was coming over to me and attempting to grab me, and the next thing i knew i was in the backseat of a car that my dad was driving and the fucking dude was chasing us like in "Terminator 2", but this fucking guy was running twice as fast as T-1000. So as hes chasing us theres a general feeling of extreme discomfort coursing through my head as if my conscious was trying to tell my subconscious something really bad is going to happen. So the next thing I know is the guy is now in a pick up truck following us, and at this point in the dream I take out my cell phone and call the cops. This is all happening while the dude starts launching potatoes at us with a potato launcher. After going around the block a few times and gradually feeling shittier and shittier, we finally see the cops along the side of a building we passed making a crime scene for reasons im unsure of. Now heres where things get REALLY fucked up, as soon as the dude sees the cops, he takes out a machine gun and starts killing them all, and it was so realistic that I felt a true evil presence in my dream. If you ever felt a true evil presence, its like having part of your soul sucked into a void, it really is one of the scariest feelings ive ever came across. Its the type of shit that makes you wanna do a shitload of good deeds the next day. So as im in the middle of this killing frenzy, the guy finally shoots my dad and kills him, and the dream ends where he puts the gun in my mouth, but not before looking me square in the eyes.
When I say that I woke up scared out of my fucking mind......I woke up covered in sweat and I then proceeded to chug half a gallon of water, but now every time I go to work and that guy comes in, im going to shit my fucking pants.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Body Transformation, week 1.
Monday - Chest
Cardio - 3 miles; 2 straight running 1 HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training)
Breakfast - Protein shake
Lunch - Protein shake
Dinner - Grilled chicken and carrots
Before bed - Glutamine w orange juice and some green tea
Highlight - Getting pit tickets to Rammstein
General disposition - feeling pretty cynical
Tuesday - Back/bis
Cardio am - 3 miles, 2 running/1 HIIT
Breakfast - Shake
Lunch - Shake
Dinner - Grilled chicken
Highlight - Almost shit my pants at the gym
General Disposition - Dark cloud still overhead, but spring is near
Wednesday - Tri's
Cardio morning - 3 miles, all HIIT
Breakfast - Shake
Lunch - Lean Pocket (they're not bad)
Dinner - 1/2 grilled chicken wrap
Highlight - definitely going to Long Beach by June the latest regardless of circumstances
Disposition - brain is starting to work properly again, slowly but surely
Thursday - Shoulders/abs
Cardio morning - 3 miles, HIIT
Cardio night - half hour elliptical, 15 min incline walk, 15 min stairmaster
Breakfast - Shake
Lunch - 3 pieces chicken
Dinner - more chicken
Highlight - not on my hair
Disposition -cool story bro
<3FUCKED UP TONIGHT MADE 10 CHICKEN NUGGETS AND HAD 3 CORONAS AT MIDNIGHT<3
Friday - Legs
Cardio - 2 miles, 10 minutes stairmaster
Breakfast - Shake
Lunch - Salad
Dinner - Kinda want something hot as fuck
Highlight - nothing stands out
Disposition - self doubts......
First weigh in - 218 lbs
Peace of mind is hopefully 9 weeks away......
Cardio - 3 miles; 2 straight running 1 HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training)
Breakfast - Protein shake
Lunch - Protein shake
Dinner - Grilled chicken and carrots
Before bed - Glutamine w orange juice and some green tea
Highlight - Getting pit tickets to Rammstein
General disposition - feeling pretty cynical
Tuesday - Back/bis
Cardio am - 3 miles, 2 running/1 HIIT
Breakfast - Shake
Lunch - Shake
Dinner - Grilled chicken
Highlight - Almost shit my pants at the gym
General Disposition - Dark cloud still overhead, but spring is near
Wednesday - Tri's
Cardio morning - 3 miles, all HIIT
Breakfast - Shake
Lunch - Lean Pocket (they're not bad)
Dinner - 1/2 grilled chicken wrap
Highlight - definitely going to Long Beach by June the latest regardless of circumstances
Disposition - brain is starting to work properly again, slowly but surely
Thursday - Shoulders/abs
Cardio morning - 3 miles, HIIT
Cardio night - half hour elliptical, 15 min incline walk, 15 min stairmaster
Breakfast - Shake
Lunch - 3 pieces chicken
Dinner - more chicken
Highlight - not on my hair
Disposition -cool story bro
<3FUCKED UP TONIGHT MADE 10 CHICKEN NUGGETS AND HAD 3 CORONAS AT MIDNIGHT<3
Friday - Legs
Cardio - 2 miles, 10 minutes stairmaster
Breakfast - Shake
Lunch - Salad
Dinner - Kinda want something hot as fuck
Highlight - nothing stands out
Disposition - self doubts......
First weigh in - 218 lbs
Peace of mind is hopefully 9 weeks away......
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