1. I work with a nice kid named Mike, 18 years old, just broke up with his girlfriend 3 weeks ago who also works at the same place. Now, me and mike have alot of time to talk so i feel like im sorta a mentor to him, I even told him I would be his on the job father figure. So me and Mike got talking and he said "yea yo me and my friends always say the reason girls are getting sluttier and sluttier at a younger age, is cuz of shit like Jersey Shore, and they think that the way those sluts act is the normal way older girls are." I told him i said "Mike you are absolutely right, their impressionable minds are constantly bombarded by pop music lyrics and television that glorify sex and because of this, they become mere accessories; the schools they attend should make them wear cunt-corks so they cant have sex until a certain age." Mike then said, "CUNT-CORKS?!?! WTF?!?!?" and laughed for a good 15 minutes while the line built up and complaints were made. I of course took the blame for this.
2. Some juiced up guido ordered a shake and we started talking about pre-workout energy supplements and he said something to the effect of "oh you dudes sell 5-owa (sic) energy?" I said "yea actually its funny you mention that, Ive been drinking the same bottle for 2 months now.....I take an eye dropper full and just take a drop at a time right before i jerk off, because it then becomes 2 minute energy and thats how long it usually takes me." Dude-bro didnt like my sarcasm so he said "thats fucked up yo" and left abrasively grunting.
3. I dont acknowledge any of my crew members unless they call me Dr. Milkshake, but if they call me doc i respond too usually. So anyway one of the girl team members kept yelling 'JUSTIN!' to get my attention, but she knew the rules and i didnt respond. She then told the owner and the owner didnt approve of my new moniker.
4. The gym plays alot of shitty music, ironically its almost 50% the same tracks as my previous job at blue apricot frozen yogurt. But sometimes they play a gem, so today in the middle of the day when it was slow Linkin Park came on so i went into the back room and started pretending to scream into a microphone and flailing around as if i was on stage in front of thousands of fans. Shortly after this, I got a phone call from the boss and he goes "you know there are cameras everywhere and i see everything, what the hell were you doing?" I responded, "honestly I have no logical excuse for my actions but I can assure you it will never happen again sir." Boss then said "Ok....(awkward pause)" and then hung up.
5. Remember how I was telling you Mike and his girlfriend just broke up but still work together? Ok well her name is Jenna so it turns out that Jenna totally pulled the "lets take a break" card which is such a thing Jenna would do because she hates confrontation, but then I found out that Mike broke up with Jenna over the summer BUT Jenna then hooked up with Mikes best friend Joey, but Joey didnt have sex because Mike was his best friend! So like Jenna is a complete slut because she then tried to get with Mike's other good friend but that didnt happen because Mike said 'no' and then they got back together but guess what, during senior year it turns out Jenna was a complete flirt and this made Mike totally uncomfortable so Mike started flirting with other girls too! So after Jenna explained all this to me I called her a slut and she told the boss.
Man i love my new job.
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