When fifes and knoons just wont do......

So sexy spoon was at the bar by her lonesone, her friends pregamed with tequila so they were all getting crazy on the dance floor without her, she only had a couple bud light limes because she raged hard the night before. Constantly taking out her pocket mirror and fixing the lipstick that didnt need fixing, the lack of wastedness made her really self conscious, that is until a badass walked thru the door. That badass was a filterless cigarette smoking, harley davison riding steak knife. Now i dont know about you, but I believe in love at first sight, and when badass mr steak knife set his eyes on sexy spoon, it was nothing but. So steak knife, excuse me, Steak Knife (every badass shall always be referred to in caps) immediately made his way towards spoon, for he knew that she was alone and that the one ugly friend of hers wouldnt be there to cockblock him. It was in the bank; or so he thought. He went up to sexy spoon, who was all to busy swirling her hair nervously just waiting for Steak Knife to open up that serrated mouth of his and make her swoon in definitive cutlery bliss. Steak Knife said all the right things, as he had to hundreds of other spoons in weekends past. Everything was going perfectly, that is until Steak Knife put his sharp blade up against sexy spoons handle. Normally, spoons would not make a big deal over this but sexy spoon had something most other bar spoons didnt; dignity. So immediately after Steak Knife made his bold move, sexy spoon let out a scream. And who but to come to the rescue; Timid fucking fork. Timid fork is the antithesis of what one would think to be the type to step up against a monster. It was the classic David versus Goliath situation. However that night, a little voice inside timid fork's head said "hey pussy, you spent your entire adult life getting bullied around by knives and not getting spooned at all, do yourself a favor and change that." This revelation sparked the courage for timid fork to step up to Badass Knife.....and you know what timid fork did? Forked him up with one punch. All the lonely nights of crying into that spot on the side of the sink drain allotted for utensils was finally over, why do you think its always wet underneath that thing? Sexy spoon repaid timid fork all.....night......long (oh yeahhhhh). Being that timid fork was not used to spooning or forking or using protection, 9 months later a baby was born, and that baby was named spork. So now you know why every time you go into a taco bell drive thru you get a spork. But hey, if you think about it, it really is the best of both worlds. So thank you, Timid Fork, yes you do get caps because you produced something that is not only versatile, but also allows me to frantically switch between eating ice cream and salad at the same time if I ever needed to do so.



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