You ask, I answer.

Yesterday I asked a friend of mine to compile a series of random questions for me to answer, or not.
Now I could go about this by answering these questions by actually giving the correct answer, but what fun is that?

If vegetables have no fat, why is vegetable oil all fat?

 

All vegetables signed the Vegetable Treaty Act of 1782 because right after the first Thanksgiving dinner with Pocahontas and the Indians there was a collective disdain for being consumed.  Plus they felt like turkey was the centerpiece to that event and got all the credit; which leads me to my next point.  All vegetables are the sidekick to a form of meat during dinner.  What does meat have? Fat.  So to give you a clue as to why all vegetables have agreed to turn into fat when they die, it is to give them a sense of higher function, in that maybe one day their remains will be recognized in death for the importance they truly deserve but never obtained in life.

  My hair shampoo instructions say "Lather. Rinse. Repeat"... I need to go to work; can I ever stop? 

Unless there's a coda or an exclusive 'order of operations' that I'm not aware of in the shampoo world, the 'repeat' should be treated as a linear function, in that you should execute the 'repeat' and then move forward.  Moving on.


How much should you charge to wash all the windows in Seattle?

Dave Grohl's ipod.


You are shrunk to the height of a nickel and your mass is proportionally reduced so as to maintain your original density. You are then thrown into an empty glass blender. The blades will start moving in 60 seconds. What do you do?

Well first and foremost I would assume that this would only happen in a different parallel universe where the laws of physics would be completely unique to said universe.  The laws of this universe say that if its possible to reduce one's size to a nickel from the average human size, than that whatever song you have stuck in your head, the lyrics come into fruition in real life.  I don't know why, but this law is only exclusive to this specific universe.  Its actually kind of cool if you think about it.  Ok so I'm in the blender and I know that in 60 seconds I'm fucked, so then in order to maybe get out alive I'll get Justin Timberlake's 'Cry Me a River' stuck in my head, and then I'll start crying a literal river, the blender will fill up with water (or tears?), and I will swim to the top and get out safely.  OH THEN ILL GET R. KELLY'S 'I BELIEVE I CAN FLY' STUCK IN MY HEAD SO I COULD THEN FLY TO A SONIC BURGER BECAUSE THEY DONT HAVE ANY BY WHERE I LIVE LOL.


Do you have a preference on the religious rearing of children?

I personally think organized religion is a way to control the masses, but at the same time everyone is entitled to their own belief system.  I wouldn't raise my child with any specific religion in mind, what I would do is give him or her a variety of different religious literature, meaning monotheistic, polytheistic, agnostic, and atheist, and let them know that these are all plausible possibilities but as humans we don't have the mental capacity in knowing any true answer.  Then I would show him Star Wars and tell him that it is the closest thing to a true religion that's out there.